Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Truth of Me

I don't understand how the hardest thing for me to be...is me.

All other definitions come easily to me, mother, wife, daughter, friend. These I know and have been successful at being for years. My own me, deeply hidden in the recesses, cringes in fear at the light of day. She hid herself from view, not sure if this world was safe enough. And with great zeal and creativity, created other hers. And lived as them. Now, I want out. To live my life in a straight line. To say, not what you want me to say, not what experience has taught me you want to hear. But to speak the words that rush, that barrel up from the bottom. The truth of me. I slide easily around inside myself, ducking behind corners, falling into manufactured selves. Out of fear, for safety, because it is easier and what I'm used to. But every now and then these days, I feel me, stepping out and shaking the water from my fur, blowing in the morning air. Surveying this fair landscape. For whole moments, I leave the shallows of my pond and walk naked as I am.


Sraddha Van Dyke said...

Ohh.... this one made me cry too.
i'm working my way slowly back through your blog. :-)

lakshmi said...

The trouble with being who you really are, I have recently learned, is that it can get you into trouble.

I still stand by it, though. No one ever said all of life would be easy-sailing!

Sraddha Van Dyke said...

My experience has been that being who *I* really am never gets me into trouble...it's what i do that upsets others from time to time. Who *I* am at the core is always able to hold myself and others in love, no matter what. It's interesting trying to talk or write about these things, isn't it? Words are so powerful in one way, and utterly useless in another.